Late Night Transit

I was making my way home from work late one night and my mind was filled to the brim with worries that can creep up when thinking about relationships and “doing” dating.

This is afterall, where the greatest gifts others give us, show up for us to receive.

I was thinking about the ways I might not be enough, about the ways that I felt ready for something more than just casually getting to know someone. I doubted for a moment, while on the phone with a friend while waiting for transit, that the sum of my fears wouldn’t scare a person off or chase them away.

The reality that I had to learn though, is that when you invite toxic people into your life over and over, a reprogramming of sorts begins to happen where you adopt habits of seeming disinterest that help you cope with emotionally unavailable people, whether in friendship or romance.

All of this, I spilled in conversation with a friend while waiting for a short fifteen minutes.

Seeing the bus in the distance, I rounded the corner of the bus shelter within earshot of other passengers and I was greeted to this heart on the seat of the bench inside the shelter.

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In that moment I decided that it was time to let go of fears and that maybe, just maybe it would be worth leading with something other than worry and would instead focus on being myself because in the end, dating isn’t about whether or not they like you but whether you like you.

What started as a tumultuous walk for my insides, turned into a reason to trust that I was on the right track with the process.

Smiling in silence as my friend double checked that I was still on the line, I came back to reality with different words and another subject to talk about entirely because hope and faith together are the bridge between where we worry and where we want to be.

And hearts lead the way.

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